I'll start at the beginning...my brother as you all know is a man of few words and growing up I always worried about him making friends. I'm a worrier by nature and as it turns out I had nothing to worry about. Over 13 years ago he met a guy (boy at the time) named Jimmy P. Since this post contains a lot of personal information I'm going to use everyone's initials and I didn't realize until this very moment that Jimmy's initials are the reverse of my brother's.
PJ and JP bonded over their love of cars (before they could drive it was dirt bikes), clothes, being italian (i know, i know) and snowboarding. They both had only one sibling (an older sister) and JP's dad has a timeshare at the same place in NYC that my mom does. Actually a long time ago, before Rich I used to think it would be great if my mom dated JP's dad. He had a gf at the time and now my mom has Rich so it's not in the cards, but I thought it was a good idea at the time. In high school another two boys joined the group, BB and BS.
If my brother was quiet and reserved, JP was the complete opposite. JP was the life of the party, everyone considered him a friend and he chose my brother as his best friend. When I would talk to my brother the second or third question after "How are you?" was "How's JP?. When PJ and JP got their licenses I think their bond grew stronger and they went from being friends to brothers. They both had countless accidents, speeding tickets and court appearances. My brother got so good at getting people out of tickets he would accompany many of them to court. I saw it as a potential business opportunity, but PJ did it because he was a good friend. JP was more of partyier (sp?) and had lost his license a few times for drinking & driving. He had just gotten his license back a couple of months ago.
During the countless accidents, speeding tickets, court appearances, fights with girlfriends, changes in jobs, etc...JP and my brother were there for each other. Of the four friends from high school it had just been my brother and JP lately. BS had a serious girlfriend and his priorities shifted shortly after high school. BB had been largely in the picture until about two years ago. BB's dad was killed by a drunk driver when he was 3 and he didn't feel JP had learned his lesson with the drinking & driving.
So with the history of close calls my brother and JP have been involved in, you'd think I would have been prepared for the phone call from my mom telling me that JP had died. JP had gone out locally on Friday night with some kids that my brother, BB and BS didn't know. He lost control of his truck on a desolate road at about 3 a.m. At 4:30 JP's dad called my brother to see what had happened. He thought my brother might have been with JP. PJ saw that JP's dad called when he woke up and immediately called JP to find out had happened and what he should tell his dad. That's how they operated, always covering for each other. The call didn't go through to JP so my brother decided to just call Mr. P and would come up with something on the spot. Mr P said JP had been in an accident, my brother asked if he was going to be ok and Mr P said he was gone.
My gut reaction was that this was not alcohol related. Everyone has been trying to piece it together and now it seems like he had gone out for a couple drinks, dropped those kids off and was speeding on this back road. Apparently he swerved to avoid something, lost control, wasn't wearing a seatbelt, hit trees and was killed instantly. The rumors are flying around so I'm not sure we'll ever know the truth.
So Friday I went to NJ for the viewing and funeral. I knew it was going to be bad, but it wound up being so much worse. My mom, Rich and I went ahead to the funeral home. BB was picking my brother up. When we got there we got in line (1,000+ people must have been there to pay their respects, the viewing was supposed to be from 6-9, it took us 3 hours to get through and the viewing didn't wind up ending until after midnight). After a little while I sent my brother a text and asked if he was there. He replied yes so I just assumed he was inside already.
After about 30 min I turned around and saw the fire dept had showed up. We thought it was b/c there was so many people. My brother's friend Justin came out of the funeral home and told us he was going to get my brother b/c he was in line. Two minutes later my brother and the core group of friends were escorted in by the fire department. As they walked past us one of the firemen put his arm around my brother and we realized these were the guys from my brother's firehouse (he's been volunteering since the beginning of the year). My mom and I lost it this point, knowing that these guys my brother hasn't known for very long came to support him. They say there's a brotherhood amongst firemen and I see now it's true. It is an image that will be with me forever.
So while in line we adopted the girl behind us who was there by herself. She knew JP from the gym and from the pizza place JP has worked since high school. My mom offered her a job and was trying to set her up with my brother (if he only knew) so you know we were in line for awhile! The woman in the group behind her was telling the others her favorite JP memory was when he drove his dirt bike down their street and all the neighbors freaked out. I laughed b/c my brother did the same thing numerous times. The neighbors hated his dirt bike.
The next morning my brother left before us b/c he was a pallbearer. As we drove past the funeral home to the church the boys were all standing outside in their suits and I thought to myself this isn't right. They should be in JP's wedding, not carrying his casket. I realized as I watched my brother walk into the church behind the casket that he was no longer a little kid, he had turned into a man and this was something that no one should ever have to do. He sat at the end of the aisle and I said a little prayer that he wasn't doing a eulogy. I didn't think he'd be able to get through one in front of a church full of people without breaking down. When we sat down after receiving communion my brother was no longer at the end so I thought thank god.
The priest went over to Mr P who stood up and walked to the podium. He went to the microphone and called my brother and BB up. My tears turned into sobs. I wanted to protect my brother and was worried for him. He started speaking without any notes. He told us about a text he had received from JP recently after something had happened to my brother. JP said he had started going to church weekly and really wanted to get his act together. He quoted proverb 18:24, a man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. It couldn't have been more perfect or appropriate. I can't even explain how in awe I was of PJ in that moment, for someone who isn't a big talker he spoke from his heart and I know JP would have been proud too.
BB went next and his poked fun at JP a bit, but he broke down in the middle and I knew when my brother hugged him that this was another bond that couldn't be broken. Mr P went last and his had a message. He said in the years to come you'll all get together and tell stories about JP, but be smart, make good choices so you'll be around to tell your own stories.
The procession to the cemetery must have had 100+ cars in it. I had never been to the cemetery part of a funeral and I kept wishing it was a bad dream I could wake up from. They gave us all a flower to lay on the casket. The family went first and then the rest of us. There was this girl who JP had been dating there and I was about to punch her. It was so hot, the "boys" were standing there in black suits waiting for everyone to put their flowers down so they could go and this tramp was waiting them out. She was wearing jeans to her "boyfriend's" funeral. During all of this BB went over and pulled two yellow roses out of one of the arrangements. He handed one to my brother. Luckily for that tramp she put down her flower and my brother and BB walked over together and laid theirs down. Another image that will never leave my mind.
I'm sure I've depressed you enough if you're still reading. This post had a few purposes, the first as an outlet for my thoughts, the second to remind everyone not to take their friendships for granted. BB hadn't spoken to JP in 2 years and I'm sure if he could go back he would change that. The last reason is to let you know how wrong I was about my brother. He might be quiet, but he has the biggest heart. He is so loved by all of his friends and I'm embarrassed I didn't realize he had turned from a lost kid into a strong, mature man who doesn't need his big sister to protect him. I'm so lucky to call him brother.
I still can't believe JP is gone. I can see his smiling face so clearly in my mind and when I think he's gone I start to cry. He was such a huge part of my brother's life and I'm so thankful he chose PJ to be his "brother". I think losing JP will bring the others closer together. Seeing how much love there was between them made me optimistic that life will go on. It will be less sweet without Jimmy's happy-go-lucky personality, but now my brother has another guardian angel.
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